Hey everyone
I'm feeling really down today
Since I have no one to talk to...
I guess I'll write
I guess it's another way to make the soul feel better...

Today I went to RI to support TA for their debate competition.
It's dejavu all over again.
RI kinda means sth to me.
I still rmb how in the past I dreamt of being part of a sch with a strong sch culture i.e. VS, RI, HC, SJI etc
So it's kinda lyk a dream to be in RI LOL!

And it was in RI where I had one of my first few combine trainings(sec 1 we had 1 there for rcy)
And then in sec 3, we went there for the semi finals of the debate competition.
It was where our journey ended. I will always remember that fateful night.
Moving on again, in Sec 4, we had our footdrill competition there where we failed again
Now, I'm back to RI.
This time supporting TA for their debates.
Well, they lost their semi finals there.

I don't really feel for them. But I really feel for myself.
It's just so sad.
I really miss tk so much and my sec sch life.
It sucks to feel so lonely.
The worse thing is that recently, something that mean a lot to me is kinda disappearing from my life
It pains my heart.
After all that I've done and tried.
After listening to exactly what you said.
It just hurts. It kinda echos in my head over and over again.

I'm kinda crazy so don't fault me for that.
But I have these crazy imaginations that I will die or sth or get seriously injured, and that will be the only way to prove my innocence.
By then, it will be indeed quite late.
Well it's just really crazy ideas that enter my head.
Don't ask why they are around in the first place. I have no clue sia...

I gave my all.
Looks like it's not enough.
Do I really mean so little to you? Am I really so useless so hopeless in your eyes?
Have I been blinded from reality? Why is it everyone has so high expectations of me, but you see me as so hopeless? Am I really that useless and hopeless?
Maybe I am I guess. I guess I have problems accepting that fact, that's why I question.
It's normal to question, it's normal to doubt.


With the compound effect of JC life
I seriously doubt my ability.
Why do people hold me with such high expectations?
Whatever for?
I'm not an ordinary person.
I have many flaws, fundamental flaws which you don't see, I am fundamentally unstable, just because I don't say and show, doesn't mean I don't have problems....
I doubt myself.
It's sad the life I'm leading.
There's little joy I feel.

Sobs....