Conflicting thoughts

Have I become devoid of emotions?
Unable to care, unable to sympathize, unable to love...
Why is it I seem to have lost these abilities?
Have my circumstance made me unable to feel these human emotions?
Not that I'm saying that there is a change in my current circumstance; thus resulting in this "impotence"

Perhaps this is a result of perpetual loneliness; being a lone ranger, enforced by the belief of being able to survive on my own.
Well. I must say it is quite true.
In such an environment, one have to always ensure he is self-reliant.
That's interestingly the reason why north Korea remain so secluded from the world, also the reason why the us military insists that they must have a military large enough to fight 2 wars against America on 2 fronts/battlegrounds.

I've really morphed into a monster!
In a less harsh way, I'm simply a puzzle, a puzzle with missing pieces.
I mean I've handled at least 2 occasions in which I've attempted to force fit the "missing" pieces into this intricate puzzle.
Both obviously failed miserably.
The first time that happened, it made it clearer what the missing piece should be like.
The second time it happened, I forced the boundaries of the hole in the puzzle to change its shape, for the purpose of making the perceived closest jigsaw piece to fit in the puzzle of me.
In short the whole experience made me more lost and more disheartened, ultimately making me numb to my surroundings?

With the compounding effect/multiplier effect of the competitive JC life, it's no wonder ive become this void creature.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I must admit it is only recently I felt my heart flicker, pulling its strings-the rush of adrenaline ironically while feeling the slowing of time.
To find what the heart seeks?
Or to seek for the perfect fit?

Until I unload my burden,
Until I be less picky, less worried, less protective of my fragile self, I will never be able to devote my time and effort to find what my heart seeks.
After all, now's not the time.