I'm enlisting on 9 may....
The thought of it scares me....
I can't imagine being away from home, away from family, away from the com, the freedom to do whatever I like...
The thought scares me.
I fear for the future.
What if I have a miserable time there.
What if the world moves on quickly without me.
What if things happen while I'm away.
Who can I fall back on?
I can only fall back on myself...
It's a scary thought
It doesn't help to know that it's gonna be at least 3 weeks after I enter before I'll be free again.
Neither does it help to know that people will be flying in and out of NS life.
I need some familiarity, some sense of stability, some comfort....
It's a scary thought....
It's a scary thought....
I'm gonna put it aside for now.
It's gonna be parked at some corner at the back of my mind.
I know the thoughts would sneak back in once As are over.
But that can wait. That can wait.
I have a feeling I would cry or sth, or get depressed as the day counts down. And eventually when I've accepted the fact, I'll curl myself up like some defensive mechanism, only to open again when I feel safe and secure....
Ok gotta go off to bed now!
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